My little Love Bug

I was just telling Rich the other night how great this experience has been. Seriously, we feel so blessed to be able to spend an extended amount of time here and really be able to experience this place. Not to mention getting paid to do it! Avery and I have had the good life- it's not hard to get used to having a housekeeper and no responsibilities! I mean, no errands to run, no church callings, no cleaning, etc. I know I would eventually get sick of it if this was my real life, but since I know it is very temporary and I will never again be able to have an experience like this I am just living it up! Avery and I spend our days shopping, going to the pool, visiting new parks and just exploring on and off the bike. We are having so much fun and I know it just wouldn't be the same without her here. The other day we were eating lunch and just having a full on conversation. All though it was a bit of a strange one about hot sauce and who's the naughtiest between all of her cousins and how her scroungy little stuffed Kenzie dog is in time out, it was so much fun. I would not be having such a good time if I didn't have her to spend my days with! I'm never lonely and always in good company! The timing worked out perfectly, she's not a baby that I have to tote around and care for, she's out of the terrible two's tantrums, and she's to the point where she (thinks) she is totally independent and such a big 3 year old, as she always reminds me. I don't talk much about adopting her. Not that I'm apposed to it, and if anyone ever has any adoption questions, I talk freely and openly about it to whomever. But I just don't really open up about a lot of the details because honestly after 3 1/2 years I get so emotional every time. It's like if I open the floodgates just a bit, this sea of emotions just come rushing back to me. I don't know how long it will take for me to be able to remember and talk about her adoption without getting so emotional, but I'm hoping some day. Anyway, it's happening as I try to type, but I just wanted to write a few things about how lucky I feel to have her in our life. I just feel like I won the lottery every time I look at her. She is the BEST thing that has ever happened to us, and we love her to pieces. Our life has and will never be the same since her birth, and we are so greatful for the wonderful spirit she has brought into our lives. I still remember the day she was born, and all the mixed emotions I had. On one hand I was so excited to finally be a mom, I just held her and didn't want to ever let her go. On the other, I was so conflicted. I was so overwhelmed with her birth and the adoption, yet I grieved for her birthmom and her loss. I just didn't know how I was going to go through with it. How could I take someone's baby? And be happy about it? It was the greatest, but at the same time the most difficult experience of my life. I still struggle with feelings of guilt about those moments where her birthmother handed her over to me, even though I know, 100% that is what she wanted, and what I wanted.

Her birthmom gave the ultimate sacrifice so that she could be with us, and I remember that every time I start to get upset or frustrated with her. I know I was given this awesome gift and opportunity to be her mother, and I really want to show my appreciation by being the best mother to her I can be. For those of you who don't get the chance to be around her, she is just the funniest little 3 year old- always something random to say that makes us laugh and the most intoxicating little giggle. She is loud, crazy and a bit mischevious at times, but we wouln't trade her for anything in the world. A lot of people ask me when are you going to adopt another baby, when, when? Honestly, I just feel so lucky to have this little girl after waiting so long. It's been such a magical time in our family, to just enjoy being a family. I've tried to explain it to people that I feel content, 100% content with Avery. If we are able to adopt again someday, that would be great. But if not, I feel like Avery has filled a void in our lives that no other child could have, and I feel so overwhelmed and extremely greatful that she's mine.